Many women ascribe to the belief that long gone are the times when men were men, like our daddies and grandfathers. I don’t believe this is true. I’m no relationship expert, nor do I proclaim to be. I’m simply a woman who has had enough rotten eggs to know a good one when I get it. Times have indeed changed. Things are different. Men and women have different roles and relate to each other differently than in the past. But one thing that I’ve found that remains true, at least in my experience, is that a man will always be a man. It is in a man’s nature to take care of the woman that he loves. It is in his essence to protect and provide for his family. You don’t have to ask a man to be a man, nor do you have to wait for him to “mature” into being a man. A man who sees you as the precious jewel that you are will instinctually do everything he can to protect and provide for you…without you asking…and if he doesn’t, chances are, he might really like you a lot, but just doesn’t see you as Mrs. Insert His Last Name Here….that, or you’re not allowing him to be a man…but that’s a different post for a different day.
The advice we get from all of these books, movies and televisions shows is beyond confusing. Here we are trying to Think Like a Man while figuring out What’s a Girl to Do While Waiting for Mr. Right and determining if He’s Just Not That Into us while trying to let God Write our Love Story. Oy vey! Love isn’t as complicated as we make it. A man who truly loves you, shows it with his actions. For example, late Saturday night, after driving home in the rain from my show, I discovered that my tire had gone flat. Now, I’m an independent kinda chick. I’m used to, right or wrong, doing for myself…so I’m still learning how to let “my man” handle things for me. You see, I’m an only child and I’m dating an eldest child. As the eldest, he’s used to being the problem solver for everyone. As an only child, I’m used to fending for myself. This makes things…interesting.
Upon learning that his damsel was in distress, “the eldest” immediately went into “fix-it” mode…and for once, this only child didn’t do anything. I didn’t even go to the store with him to get the parts to change the tire (we thought we’d lost the wheel lock key). I didn’t have to. He had a plan A, B & even C. He not only took control of the situation, but delighted in doing so. I had to drive out of town for work Monday and had a lot of time to reflect…mainly on the tire incident, since it was still fresh. While thinking I had this weird little random thought. “I can’t wait to tell my future daughter she should have a man just like her father.” That’s still many moons away, however it got me thinking…maybe that’s it! That’s the key.
Rather than thinking like a man, try thinking like a mother (or father, in your case guys). Take yourself out of your relationship equation for a minute and think HONESTLY about this for a second. If your child were to come to you and tell you that this (someone just like your current partner) was the person whom they’d chosen to marry, would you be pleased? Would you feel comfortable knowing that person had their best interest at heart, in terms of a relationship? Would you feel confident that you wouldn’t have to worry about your child because you could see without a shadow of a doubt that this person truly loved them, respected them and would protect and provide for them? Would you feel comfortable knowing that this person would not intentionally harm or abuse your child? How would you TRULY feel if your child dated someone just like your significant other, knowing all the things you know about who your significant other is (not who you want them to be) and how he/she treats you (not how you wish they’d treat you)?
So many times we get caught up in the fact that we enjoy spending time with a person that we make ourselves believe they’re “the one.” There’s a HUGE difference between spending time with someone and spending a life with someone. We think that because this person isn’t a “bad” person, they “must be for me.” At times we are so scared of being alone that we settle for someone who can make us laugh, but shows no propensity or desire for fulfilling our needs beyond that. Just because a person isn’t a jerk doesn’t mean that they’re your future spouse, a lesson I had a tough time learning. Far more interesting, we’ll blame God for our desire to stick around by quoting “Faith without works is dead” and justifying that as our reason to go through the ringer, completely ignoring the fact that He also said, “For I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Think like a parent. Take yourself out of the equation and allow yourself the opportunity to evaluate the situation objectively. Put your, future or present, child in the equation to understand the treatment you truly deserve. Furthermore, measure how you stack up as a future spouse. Are you the type of man to whom you’d be proud to give your daughter away? Are you the type of woman you’d love for your son to bring home to meet the family? Do you delight in being there for your significant other? Be honest with yourself.
That’s it for now. I hope this was helpful to someone. Now go forth and have the dynamic relationships you were destined to have!
I think men pull away from women and relationships because its just not ‘right’. Maybe its the timing. They’re not ready for it. Maybe you’re not the girl he sees himself with. Maybe he still needs to play the field. Whatever the reason is…theres something off.
And its just not right.